Fight Song

After my last post, I found this song, which I hadn’t yet heard. Yeah, I don’t listen to music much anymore, as I always have audio books on in my car.

But man. This song. First time I heard it, so many tears.

It was what I needed.

It is time to take back my life and move forward.

E&O

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Tired.

I’m not sure if I can get any more tired.

Daily, I struggle with the pull of my own body’s failings.

How do I shake it off, when each time I think I can, something else is first added on, and then I have to start all over?

The drag of each next appointment. The lack of motivation to work. The slow removal of the ability to work. The diminished quality of my work.

How can I convince myself to continue with school and work, when I can barely keep my head over the “to do’s” continuously trying to drown me? I do I keep up my effort to stay above it? How can I keep up?

The pain is growing. Even just weeks ago, I considered my pain more of a “come and go” type of pain, with a very low level of continuous pain. It has changed. For weeks, the continuous pain has been steadily getting higher on the scale.

I know mine is still nothing compared to so many out there like me, but pain is personal, and mine is overwhelming me. It exhausts me. It makes it difficult to think, to talk, to open my eyes, to smile. I’m tired.

I’m not sure if I can get any more tired.

But then again…I have another appointment tomorrow.