Toxic

It has been some time since I have last posted. As I mentioned before, I’m working now. Since the last post, I was hired on as a permanent employee after more uncertainty. The work can be fulfilling at times, and painful others. I struggle to make it to the end of the day sometimes. I truly think I could have an amazing job. I think that I could help people and learn a ton. I try. Hard. But, it is difficult with leadership that is condescending and flat out mean. I am continuously struggling to stick with it. I hate to be a quitter. I hate to leave some of the people there, because we all need to help each other. I’ve never been in such a toxic environment though. I have never seen so many people afraid to speak up, afraid to tell this one person how much they are hurting. When nearly the whole office get together to vent about how a leader has berated them and made them feel belittled, useless, unable to do anything right, and has even put several people in tears, it feels like a support circle of emotionally abused victims. Never in my life could I have imagined working in such an environment.

I’m tired. It is exhausting. It reminds me of basic training, when the instructors purposely tell you the wrong thing, scream at you for no reason, make you do things that really have no purpose, just to keep you busy. But this isn’t the basic training or even real-world military. It is a non-profit organization meant to do good for people. So why are the employees so poorly treated?

In my studies, everything I am learning is related to leadership and management of organizations and employees. I learn about some great leadership practices, and wish that I could share them at work, but that is unrealistic. Especially since most have absolutely no idea how much I am actually capable of, and they never bother to find out, or even just ask if I know how to do something before just assuming that I don’t. I am no idiot.

Perhaps trust would allow for some good changes. Trust your people. Give them some freedom to be creative, to show what they can do, to really shine.

So I think I just started rambling a bit much, but it has just been a hell of an experience so far.

Until next time.

E&O

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1 Comment

  1. I admire your resilience and optimism, and am happy to have you as a teammate 🙂 no matter what happens, it’s good to be confident at least this once that there are good folks on this team. And yes, I get the support group vibe too. Super problematic.

    Liked by 1 person

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